143: because marriage is scary shit

It’s November 2015 and I already have three weddings scheduled next year.

And I was in two this year.

And I went to three last year.

In between bridesmaid dress shopping and the electric slide, I have to fight that destructive voice in my head asking Why aren’t you good enough to be getting married?

Regardless of my relationship status, regardless of my opinion of     marriage—and ignoring the issue of even asking myself that question (because there is no correlation between my marital status and the value I bring to society)—I answer: I am not ready.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m ready to have a husband. I’m ready for someone to be selfless with me, always there for me, supporting my hopes and my dreams.

But I’m not ready to be a wife. Not ready to be all of that for someone else, when some days, I can’t even be that for myself.

Marriage is a big fucking deal. And I’d be fantastic at having a husband, but there’s no way I’m ready to be a wife.