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I shouldn’t have to say this.

Like, I really shouldn’t have to say this.

Like. The fact that this has happened twice in two weeks. When there’s no way I should ever need to say this.

But apparently people don’t know.

When someone says they’re doing Keto / Paleo / Whole30 / Primal / macro counting / Vegetarian / Urban Foraging, the appropriate response is never, ever, “But you don’t need to lose weight!”

First of all, bitch, I know I don’t need to lose weight.

But more importantly, you don’t know that I know that. You don’t know my history—be it mild or wild—with body image. I don’t need your unwarranted assessment of my body.

Second of all, why the fuck is that your first thought?

But more importantly, why isn’t your first thought to, I don’t know, ask me why? Maybe it’s in solidarity for a friend. Maybe it’s because for moral reasons. Maybe it’s because there’s a book that got me thinking, and, if you actually asked, you’d know that I feel amazing on Keto.

So, I bite my tongue instead of correcting, “I’m doing it because of all the research I did before deciding to totally inconvenience everything about my current daily routine,” because I don’t like being an asshole.

Your ignorance is showing. And so are my curves.

I really wanted to end there, but I don’t believe in complaining without providing alternatives. So, here are some acceptable responses:

  • Tell me more!
  • What made you decide that?
  • Are you enjoying it so far?”
  • What does that lifestyle change entail?

PS – this is way more fun if you’re listening to Billie Eilish and sipping whiskey.

PPS – anyone catch the super smooth The League reference?

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