171: because I won’t regret my body

I almost skipped Episode 206 of Elizabeth Gilbert’s podcast. It’s about a sixty-year-old dancer, and I don’t dance, so there’s probably nothing to learn from this, right?

Thank the heavens I told that nagging, curiosity-stifling voice to fuck off, because this happened:

Liz: What, at this age [of sixty] are you willing to not be carrying around anymore?

Penelope: Well, the big challenge is to not carry around that image of a perfect body. That is the big challenge. That is so much of what being a dancer was about. And how it permeated my life in so many ways. And to be able to give that up, let it go, get that off my shoulders, would be an incredible freedom.

I’m not sixty yet. Hell, I’m not even halfway there. But I played a little game with myself, to put today into perspective.

I asked myself What will I regret when I’m sixty?

I won’t regret being alone.

But I will regret not loving the man I love while I have time to love him.

I won’t regret having a soft body.

But I will regret denying it water, nutrients, and the chance to see what it’s capable of. However I choose to define capable.

I won’t regret working non-traditional hours at a non-traditional job with an inconsistent paycheck.

But I will regret not pursuing my Art.

I won’t regret having anxiety.

But I will regret letting it control my life, and never using it as a catalyst to dive into the deepest shadows of my mind.

I won’t regret sixty.

But I will regret not living until then.