174: because the opposite of fear is not courage

I’ve been thinking about control lately, and how fear is one of the (many) ways my anxiety tries to control me.

Fear that something bad might happen, so I spend every day preparing a mental bomb shelter.

Fear that I might fail at something, so I don’t try.

Fear that I will lose what makes me happy, so I love those things with caution.

There are lots of motivational quotes and speeches and movies about being afraid, but doing it anyway. But all of those quotes and speeches and movies would have you believe that courage is the opposite of fear. That you need courage to step outside of and away from the gnawing terror that drowns you.

Well, I think that’s bullshit.

I think the opposite of fear is trust.

Instead of fearing that bad thing might happen, I trust that I can handle whatever comes.

Instead of fearing my own failure, I trust that I can learn from that experience and do better next time.

Instead of fearing loss—beautiful, inevitable, painful loss—I trust the safety of joy and gratitude.

I do not need the bravery of a soldier; I need the trust of a servant.